The Adventures of a Time Lord and a Reporter in the Wine Cellar
by grumpyheroine
Summary: xONESHOTx The Doctor and Lois accidentally get themselves locked in a wine cellar. The conversations that come up during their imprisonment are rather unusual. Chaos Ensues. It could be worse, at least there's wine...


**Okay, this is just a random one shot that came to me when I was chatting with a friend. We were discussing what kind of chaos would happen between Lois Lane and the Tenth Doctor if they were locked in a cellar together. And so, I came up with this...**

**Just a silly little thing, not to be taken seriously. Needless to say, you still better review or I will release the duo from the cellar into the world for all to deal with...**

**And you really don't want the Oncoming Storm and an angry Lois Lane after you.**

**THE ADVENTURES OF A TIMELORD AND A REPORTER IN THE WINE CELLAR:**

"See anything?" came a low, nervous voice.

"Shh!"

Thump.

"Ouch!"

"Watch out for that barrel, Doctor."

"Yes, thank you, Ms. Lane."

Thump.

"Ow! I thought you moved the barrel when you tripped over it..."

"No. I didn't."

"Thanks for the warning."

"Oh, watch out for the barrel I tripped over."

"Ha ha."

The Doctor carefully lifted the flashlight, or torch, as he called it, aiming it around the cellar.

"Creepy," Lois observed, looking at the dust covered wine cellar, the cobwebs hanging from the ceiling. She shivered. "Very creepy."

The Doctor nodded in agreement. There was a loud slam, causing the duo to stiffen and turn to see what the source was.

"Oh no," said the Doctor as he and Lois ran over to the closed door in an attempt to open it. "Oh no, no no no no no! Not good!"

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," said Lois, tugging on the door as she tried to open it. "It won't open!"

"We've been locked in," said the Doctor, looking worried.

"Use your sonic wand thingy!" said Lois.

"It's a sonic screwdriver!" said the Doctor indignantly. "And I gave it to Rose, remember?"

"Oh right. But don't you have a spare?"

"Don't you have a spare camera?"

"I don't do the photographing," Lois huffed. "Olsen does."

"His name is Jimmy."

"I know that! Now what do we do, Space Boy?"

"Space BOY? At least Donna had the sense to call me Space_man,_" the Doctor grumbled. Lois grinned.

"Didn't she call you Martian Boy or something?"

"Oi, that's none of your business! You reporters are all the same!"

Lois put up her hands defensively. "At ease, soldier," she said. "I'm not writing a gossip column. I only expose criminal conspiracies and stuff."

"You're more of a trouble magnet than Rose and Martha combined!"

"Yeah, I never met Martha, remember?"

"That's beside the point."

"How do we get out of here, anyway?"

"Why are you looking at me?"

"You're the alien with the superior intellect."

"Ah yes, I would assume you're used to looking up to the others for aid when you get in trouble, like that Kryptonian."

"Why, you jerk!"

CRACK!

"Ow!"

"Apparently you're not as invincible as him."

"You just hit me."

"You deserved it."

"I-I did not."

"I can take perfectly good care of myself, thank you very much."

"Is that why I had to squirt that monster with a water gun so you can make an escape?"

"I had it under control!"

"Yes, you being tied to a stake, about to be burnt to a crisp-"

"Okay, fine, maybe that time I was a _little_ over my head..."

"A little! You call that a _little_?"

"Yes!"

The Doctor rolled his eyes at her stubborness. "Fine," he grumbled. "Let's focus on getting out of here, shall we?"

"Fine," Lois replied irritably. The messes she got into when chasing a story had always been a sore point for her, and discussing them had put her in a rather bad mood. "You know, I could use a donut and a cup of coffee about now," she said.

"And a banana," the Doctor added mournfully.

"What's with you and bananas?"

"What's with you and donuts?" the Doctor retorted.

Lois's grumpy expression softened into a grin. "Touche," she said.

The Doctor beamed. "Bananas are healthy," he told her.

"So are donuts."

"They are?"

"Sure! A maple donut is very healthy for me."

"Who told you that?"

"Lois Lane."

"Very funny."

CRASH!

"What was that?"

Lois gulped. "He's come for us..." she grabbed the Doctor's sleeve.

"Oh, not so brave now, are you?"

"Me? Your knees are shaking!"

"No they're not!"

"Really? Then what's that clattering noise?"

"My teeth..."

"Ah. My point proven."

"You just love that feeling, don't you?"

"Says the Time _Lord._ I mean, who calls themselves a _Time Lord?_ How arrogant is that?"

The Doctor looked somewhat insulted. "I didn't come up with it."

"Yes, well, you go by it. I like the version of you better in 1938."

"It's alright. I liked you better in 1938 too. You weren't as bossy."

"I am not bossy!"

"I, and everyone who knows you, beg to differ."

"Beg all you want! I'm telling the General."

"Running to Daddy?"

"Watch it, mister."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. Lois stuck her tongue out. The Doctor stuck his tongue out to get back at her.

They both looked at each other for a moment, before they burst out laughing.

"You know, do you think Clark would hear us if we yelled?" the Doctor said after a while.

"Maybe. If the walls aren't lined with lead."

"Why would the walls be lined with lead?"

"Good question."

Then, almost in unison, they both started yelling.

"Clark Kent, help!"

"SMALLVILLE! Get your butt down here!"

"Kal-El! Clark!"

"Where's your superhearing when we need it Farm-boy?!"

"Well, if he heard us, there's nothing we can do but wait," said the Doctor.

Lois tried to pry the top off a barrel.

"What are you doing?" the Doctor asked.

"Well, while we're waiting, how about a drink?"

"You shouldn't be allowed anywhere near wine," said the Doctor. "You whine enough as it is."

Amazingly, Lois ignored the jab, too focused on the barrel. "I wonder what year this stuff is..." she mumbled.

"If you get drunk, I'm not taking you to the toilet to throw up."

Still, Lois ignored him, trying numerous things to get into the barrel: First, she tried to use her fingers to pry it open, then she used a pen-knife she had in her pocket, then she looked for a spigot, then she tried banging on it and break the wood, and last but not the least, resorted to yelling and swearing at it, ordering it to open.

"I don't think it's going to listen," the Doctor informed her. "Just a hunch."

She turned to look at him, and felt something hit her on the back of the head. She whirled around, swinging her fist. "Who did that?"

"Who did what?" asked the Doctor, and felt something hit him in the leg." He looked down, but didn't see anything. Lois narrowed her eyes. She kicked the barrel, hard.

"Ow!" the barrel squeaked.

The Doctor and Lois exchanged looks, before tackling the barrel. It hopped out of reach, causing them to crash into each other and tumble to the ground, groaning.

Lois rubbed her sore head, and the Doctor leaped back up. "Get that barrel!" he yelled.

"I just tried!" Lois snapped. They made another dash for the barrel, but again, it moved out of the way.

Lois shook her head. "I haven't drank anything yet," Lois said. "I swear! So why am I hallucinating?"

"If you're hallucinating, I'm hallucinating with you," the Doctor said.

"Think it's something in the air?"

"Maybe."

"I haven't had someone making me hallucinate in a while."

"How long has it been? Two months?" said the Doctor dryly.

"Don't be ridiculous. It hasn't been THAT long."

The barrel let out a terrified shriek, and made a dash toward... well, more like away from the Doctor and Lois, until it bumped into a cabinet. Lois tackled it, and yanked the barrel up. It was unusually light, and a small, one-eyed green monster looked up from the floor. It screamed.

The Doctor and Lois screamed, the Doctor jumping into Lois's arms Scooby Doo style.

They all kept screaming until it faded away.

"It hasn't attacked us yet," Lois said.

"Ah!" yelled Mike Wazowski.

"Not a very scary monster," said the Doctor.

Mike sighed. "That's what they all say."

Lois leaned against the door, turning the knob, and it opened. She fell through the doorway.

"The door's unlocked now?" said the Doctor with relief.

"It's been the whole time. You were supposed to push, not pull."

"Oh," said the Doctor. "I knew that."

"I think I broke something," said Lois from the floor. The Doctor helped her up.

"Well, nice meeting you," said the Doctor to the small green monster. "But we have to go catch an evil alien."

"And get donuts," said Lois.

"Oh. Yes. And bananas."

"Okay."

The two linked arms and walked off to go find some donuts and bananas.

** THE END**


End file.
